Dear Geeky, I went to a garden party at a friend’s place the other week and nudged an open bottle of wine off the table with my elbow, down, down, down, straight into her fish pond.

I plunged my hand into the murky water to retrieve the now empty bottle, hid the evidence, and then poured myself another drink from someone else’s bottle.

I didn’t think much of it much at the time. Then, I heard that all the fish had died – floated and bloated.

Now I feel guilty. Should I confess?

Geeky says: Are you crazy? What makes you think that your wine killed off the fish? They could have died from a range of other reasons – the murky water, someone else dropping in paint thinner, bubbles of swamp gas, a low-flying comet.

No, best to keep quiet. That way you’ll be invited back to the type of party where no-one minds if you help yourself to their bottle of wine or notices that one of their guests is a lush.